His smile and the prism of his eyes perfected a beautiful bar of rainbow as he approached me, unleashing himself from a log of wood he was carrying. As I heard the sudden rush through the cold wind, I looked up and saw Jimmy, my younger brother. He was that young chubby face I had waited to see for quite a long period of time. He wore that tattered clothes which I left for him the year before I went to some far place to study. He looked so shabby in that cloth which he wore untidily with two folds of fringe-less belt around his waist. He didn't have a slipper and his foot looked like he didn't washed them after the last time we took bath together. "Your belt is loose. Tighten it up", I gave a brotherly look and I reached for my bag.
He smiled endlessly as he tugged his edge less gho. He tightened it. I handed over to him some wrapped packet along with some edibles; that was what children expect you to have in your bag when you come home after long time.
"What is it?
He asked as he instantly helped himself with some chocolates I brought for him. He felt it very genuinely and I knew from the way he raised his eyebrows. He felt special with that special gift. It was in fact nothing more than some books for him and some paint materials, but he liked it.
That night, he laid those best mattress for me and took himself a thin sheet and placed it right beside me.
"I am sure, you wont mind me sleeping next to you", he said with a smile, becoming hesitant to look at me. He said that the long lonely nights he had been spending all the time by himself had been so terrible. I felt the sudden touch of incompleteness in his life, so much than one would have imagined. I could not neglect the need of affection and love in his life.
"How did you do your exam?" I asked him later that night but he remained silent and didn't even stir. Everything was so invisible and the night was so silent that I could even hear the tiny ticks of my eyes. Worried by his unnatural act, I lit the lamp and looked around. The dim light from the lamp didn't measure the brightness from the glow worm. He was facing against the wall. He had his face fully covered. At first I didn't dare to touch him but becoming more anxious at his stillness. I took his hands off and there he was, drenched in the pool of tears. He sobbed bitterly but said nothing. Not knowing what had happened to him, I became more worried and stayed fixed.
"They didn't let me in". I could hear faint mumble.He was even chocking on his own cough. My heart pained to see those chubby face in tears. I didn't say a word and simply gave him a warmest hug. He wiped out the tears and recalled from the diary of his thought about everything that happened.
It was a beautiful beginning of the spring. Everyone as usual began to resume their routine to school. Having to climb the stiff terrain in the thick woods used to be very scary in my times and they didn't have a better choice than what I went through. School he sometimes felt wasn't so necessary if it tortured them in the manner they experienced the harshness of the seasonal natural disaster. Walking the long journey of two hours every morning and two hours back home, feeding on the cold and unfriendly pack lunch they took from home in the morning and the sordid faces of the weather, my brother felt, staying at home was far better. He didn't find respite in books and teachers and always wanted to keep away from waking up early in the morning and reaching home very late in the evening. He felt so biased to be sent to school where other children of his age remained home, never having to wake up early, not bothering to even wash their face and who always remained excited, keeping away those cruel routine he followed for five days in a week. It meant 60 hours of torture to him. His dream to discontinue study however began to form the shame before his eyes, when Tandin, a senior monk from a far away religious school visited our village. He came to the village looking for people who were interested to become monk.
Discontinuing school and then leaving for a far away place to be ordained as a monk was one topic among many that the children talked on their way to school. Jimmy didn't realize that it was a nice scheme to get rid of what he had been desiring to get rid off, until he came across those busy agreements among the friend to take the matter to their parents.
The idea intrigued his mind and laid those plans to ask his parents. Most of them were consented by their parents, but Jimmy, he didn't dare to ask. Because he didn't wanted to disgrace the trust of his parents. He always thought that discussing about it would disgrace his parents. He remained shackled by his own imaginary fear and as a result, he remained silent.
One morning brought him a complete disgrace in his dream to ask his parents about the matter when he saw Tandin returning with group of young boys. Jimmy could discovered great zeal in the eyes of those people whom he felt were lucky enough, but no one ever thought about what their destiny has for them in the package. Even Jimmy who appeared to be very conscious about his parents wishes, didn't realize to mention this in the brim of his thought.
Gradually, as he neared the School, he loosened himself from the snares of his fear and began to walk in their footstep. With each footstep further, he became more focused on what he was going to do. His determination regained its colour and began to sprinkle webs of patterns in his eyes. He was becoming one of them.
Ten miles is a vast distance to be covered on foot with baggage at the back and one would feel complete exhaustion at the end of the road, but Jimmy had a different story.
He felt the journey so short. A journey from his home to school which he barely needed some couple of hours brought exhaustion when he set his first footstep but he felt so light and fresh even after walking for some seven hours that morning. His eyes were full of energies and would not have disgruntled a word, even he had to travel double the distance. He watched the cars leave brief marks on the road and the smell was really pleasing because it was his first time seeing the cars. A young boy as innocent as anyone in the group began to calculate the fold of his happiness as they prepared to leave. He watched them help one another put their baggage on the Mini-bus that they were supposed to travel for the next two days.
Putting everything in their place, all of them one after another boarded the bus, when at last a rigid voice stopped Jimmy. It was Tandin who comforted the frightened boy with such simplicity in his eyes but he was so bold with his decision that he can't take him along with them.
"He didn't let me in. My dreams disappeared infront of me. What could I have done when I but didn't have a choice than to return home crying at the top of my voice. I didn't realize that the moment I unleashed from the fear of being scorned by parents, I would be trapped in a more gravest grave of desolation. From that day, I stopped dreaming about school because I have just one dream and I cannot change my dream from becoming a Monk." He looked at my eyes and for the first time I saw in them some feelings of beseech for a help.
The way he talked like a grown-up, Jimmy turned me dumb but he did understand the way I communicated through my tears that I was really sorry for what ever happened. Even as a brother, I was no different than one in a slavery because I was enslaved by my dreams to become somebody who could one day see those pains like in his eyes and wipe those tears. I did promise him that night that what ever happened, would not be any repetition. I promised him to let him live his dream, but some years later. I assured him of my undying support to make him embrace what he aspired to become through thick and thins, when things were right.
After not many years, when I was still in high school, he was approached by his dream for second time. Tandin came to the village for the second time but that time he saw fear in him. Tandin assured him of his guidance in the Monastery but all he saw was betrayal and injustice. He saw the masked goodness in him that he could unmask it anytime he felt not right. In the first time, he was betrayed by his own risk and in the second time, he felt those fear from the risk taken by others. He didn't take it for granted but rather he became very meticulous about whatever he said. For the second time, Jimmy confronted the risk and it was worth taken.
The way people change in a short span of time amazes everyone, even it amazes oneself. Jimmy, as a child was an insignificant 11 year old boy when he dropped school and remained with parents. Scorned and despised for his wrong doings, people thought he was a burden, not only to our parents but also to them. But today, when this boy of 22 visits the same place, the way people greet him has gained a civilized burgeon. Perhaps, the rob he wears pacifies those with ignorant thoughts.
Far from home, Jimmy now resides in the far flung place in India pursuing his dream, journeying deeper down the vales and digging those sumptuous gold of wisdom that one would have never thought. Who would have thought that this boy who was at first denied by all would embrace the wealth of love, affection and more importantly, the prayers, wishes and the long indestructible chain of co-existence with Buddha hood, the only one way a mortal could be freed from sufferings.
Today, I look at him not as a brother, not as a neighbor and not as somebody I know but as a person whom our great savour has chosen to follow his path, somebody who could unchain me from the pleasure of ultimate sufferings and somebody destined to serve all sentient being.
This is one way how I see the miracle of destiny.