I don’t know why it is so hard for us to believe something; Not all, but those small fragments in the eyes and the words of the one we trust. Or better, the one we love. This place we live in has become so fragile. More than the word itself can explain and define. But our heart, the human’s, it’s more fragile than it appears to be.
Yes, that’s right. I see it in the eyes of all, and more precisely, in the eyes of one I love. The sense of trust and believe was far beyond the reach of her eyes. She believed the person she never once in her life met, and refused to accept the one she has loved for decades. Accepting me was like accepting a cold stab in her heart.
It breached the trust in between us. The bond we have built up with so much pain and vulnerability, it is no where. And our relation has become more vulnerable and it’s so much in stake. I still can’t explain how it happened in a glint of time. Just a call from an unknown person has ruined us both, and each day, we are going apart. I don’t know when we will be completely shut from each others sight.
Oh! That must be fear, for a good description, for precise reasoning. But why from the one we consider everything? This is pretty not understandable. I can't really get this.
So, she never believed what I said. She didn't see those truth in my eyes. It was all veiled by her guts to believe some other soul; she never knew.And I laid down, shivering my nerves out, not able to find a good way to make her believe that everything I was saying was truth. Surely, I felt those hard drops through my face. Frustration can sometimes kill people and it nearly killed me. I wanted to dig the truth and show it on my hand, like a mold of damp cake. But that was completely impossible and I went blank.
Honestly, the way she behaved deserved a couple times of good slap on her face. She nearly deserved to be shot - right between her eyebrows. And the soul- a cruel and cunning one, who stroked her with cold stab in her heart truly deserved to be hanged. I was already seeing her head dumped in a pit fed by worms - UN-noticed, even by dogs. That was the extent of my anger and frustration. But that is not what a real man does. And I couldn't keep away that manly consciousness from me, just because I was ridden by frustration and her unwillingness to accept the truth. Eventually, I had to console myself, because no one did.
I never acted hard on my woman. So, she turned out to be a lucky girl that day and I had to believe in myself. Anyways, I didn't really care what she thought, because I knew the truth and the truth was clear and white.
I wanted to walk out to unknown, to a far away place where no body bothered me. Where no body cared for me. That would have been like entering into the realm of peace -away from the bothering world of humans, and away from the jealous souls. But as a man, I didn't dare to walk out, keeping a crying and pain stricken woman behind. I didn't dare to fight a war by myself, because I was UN-armed without her, I was incomplete without her, and because, whatsoever, after all, she was my woman. Somebody I chose to be with.
And I waited for her favour - to understand the truth and to be the girl she is. Yet, the pain she hid in my heart was undeserved one, atleast by a faithful man like me